GMVW # 86: "Hello, Old Friend"

Gem Music Video of the Week # 86:  Hello, Old Friend

Song:  A Friend is a Friend by Pete Townshend

(Songwriter: Pete Townshend)

August 27, 2009

 I’ve heard it stated often and also experienced it: You make connections with an old friend who you have not seen in a while, and it’s like no time has passed.  Whatever bond you had way back when kicks in again, almost immediately.  Old memories are brought back from the dead and new ones take form.  This rekindling has never failed me, but if there was ever a time it would be put to the test it was two weeks ago.  Because two weeks ago, I reconnected with a friend I had not seen in twenty eight years.

Jeff Dangelo was a neighborhood friend all through grade school. He moved to Alaska with his family after high school and later ended up in Miami, Florida after joining the Air Force.  I made a few comments about him for Gem # 67 while lamenting the fact that we had lost touch.  Before two weeks ago, most of the old gang would have likely admitted that the chances of seeing Jeff again were slim at best, and I was beginning to believe it myself.  Too many opportunities to reconnect had fallen by the wayside: There was a last minute cancellation to attend my wedding, and a few other aborted reunions.  Also, for whatever reason, I’ve never been to Florida, never mind Miami. Ten years had gone by since Jeff had touched base with any of us.  Fate seemed to weigh heavily against us ever seeing him again and it appeared we had all moved on.

Twenty Eight years is a long time and a lot of water can pass under the bridge in that span, particularly if it’s that period of your life that covers your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s.  For me, there was college and road trips, double dates, bachelor parties, weddings, home purchases and children, along with concerts, sporting events, weekend gatherings, parties, new friends, and, unfortunately/inevitably, funerals.  Even if there was a reunion, the idea of reconnecting at any meaningful level seemed far fetched.  We are all after all very different people in our middle age than when we graduate from high school…. aren’t we?

Two weeks ago today, I was about to find out.  A series of events over the previous month or so had led up to that point.  There was the initial suggestion by Amy that I get on Facebook (something I was very reluctant to do) and the virtual guarantee by Cousin Jack that it would one day pay off (Jack also made a noble but futile attempt to track down Jeff after reading the email for Gem # 67).  There was the surprise Facebook ‘visit’ from Jeff’s wife, Ivonne, asking if I was indeed who I appeared to be.  There was a follow up two hour phone conversation with Jeff, during which I half-jokingly suggested he join the old gang in Humarock at Mac’s cottage that very weekend.  Finally, there was the email from Jeff, stating he had a ticket and was ready to board a plane the very next day.  I spread the word to a shocked gang and we began to piece together what was to turn out to be a classic weekend itinerary. 

That Friday afternoon heading into Logan Airport, it all felt a bit bizarre. I was reassured, however, thinking back on the prior 24 hours and the reaction I was getting from everyone about seeing our old friend again. And so, after Jeff and I spotted one another in the baggage area, and sized each other up for a moment, that old truism kicked in yet again.  And though this time it was a twenty eight year challenge, it mattered not.  We were back on a track we left behind many years earlier.  There was no shortage of laughter and conversation on the drive back to Franklin.  On the contrary, we did a LOT of catching up on that ride, tumbling over one memory after another as well as catching up with each others lives to the present.  This carried through for the remainder of Jeff’s visit, not just between him and me, but everyone else as well. In some ways, Jeff’s visit even bridged a few gaps between the seven of us he left behind:  A much needed missing puzzle piece, I suppose.

Friendship can be a funny thing, playing out in all sorts of ways.  Two weeks ago, I saw it as a whole of eight; in a one on one moment; and all permutations in between of 3 or 4 of us, and so on.  I’ve seen it on entirely different planes with other friends from college, work and extended family, and certainly have seen it play out with Nancy’s long-time and extremely loyal friends (including Madeline, who is on the receiving end of these emails) and the friends of Fred, Jen, Joe, Amy, Pat, and their spouses, as well as Mom and Dad. 

This weeks Gem ‘A Friend is a Friend’ is live concert footage of Pete Townshend performing this song and it touches on much of what friendship is all about.  Sorry for the back-to-back Townshend-centric videos, but this I realized would happen sooner or later during the compilation of these Gems: There’s too much in Pete Townshend’s catalog (with and without the Who) that passes for Gem material to continue to avoid this inevitability.  As for this particular Gem, after what transpired two weeks ago, I’m more believing of Townshend’s lyrics now than ever before.  Below the Gem link is a second url link of the same song from the animation movie ‘The Iron Giant’.  Below that are the lyrics to ‘A Friend is a Friend’.

I searched a bit for other definitions of friendship on the Web.  Here’s one from a 19th century writer that stuck: “Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.” 

Ok, perhaps a line is needed in this definition regarding tossing some friendly abuse out on occasion, but not bad.  Not bad at all.

- Pete

A Friend is a Friend, Pete Townshend live

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EIw9Q2d8Z0

From the animation movie ‘The Iron Giant’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpiYXRt5MyM

Lyrics to ‘A Friend is a Friend’

When eyes meet in silence

A pact can be made

A lifelong alliance

That won't be betrayed

Won't be betrayed

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

A friend is a friend

Nothing can change that

Arguments, squabbles

Can't break the contract

That each of you makes

To the death, to the end

Deliver your future,

Into the hands of your friend

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly yeah

A promise is a promise

A handshake will seal it

No amount of discussion

Can ever repeal it

Commitment forever

To borrow or lend

Deliver your future

Into the hands of your friend

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Come on

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

When eyes meet in silence

A pact can be made

(You need a pact)

A lifelong alliance

That won't be betrayed

(Won't be betrayed)

You need a mate

(You need a mate)

When facing the end

But what is the fate

(What is the fate)

Now facing my friend

Facing my friend, yeah

What faces my friend?

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

A friend is a friend

Nothing can change that

Arguments, squabbles

Can't break the contract

That each of you makes

To the death, to the end

Deliver your future,

Into the hands of your friend, yeah

Be friendly

Be friendly

Befriend me now

Be friendly

Befriend me now

About the Video: The Who on their 1989 “Farewell Tour”.  Townshend is on the stage without Daltrey or Entwistle for this number

Video Rating: 1

Best Feedback: Jeff Dangelo

Pete, old friend/new friend. As if my reunion with you guys couldn't have been any better, you top it off with your Gem e-mail. It brought tears to my eyes, as well as Ivonne's. You truly may not know how healing it was for me to see you all, and to know that I'm still, after all this time, thought of as a friend. I know now more than ever I won't waste this re-connection, and will consider going "home" every year a new tradition. Sorry I don't check my e-mail as much as I should, I really don't spend time on the computer that much, but I'll try harder. Keep those Gems coming, that's pretty cool that you write stuff like that all the time.

And Joe:

Pete - great write up below...it must have been nice to catch up with Jeff....does he look the same? 

And Fred:

And Happy Birthday week to you, Pete!

And Jeff’s wife, Ivonne:

Jeff was very emotional over your e-mail. I still can't believe how much it meant to Jeff to have you back in his life."

GMVW # 85: "Music and Memory"

Gem Music Video of the Week # 85:  Music and Memory

Song:  Love Reign O’er Me by The Who

Covered Here By: Bettye LaVette

(Songwriter: Pete Townshend)

August 19, 2009

Songs are often linked with memories, but occasionally a song is so inextricably linked to a memory, there is no separating the two:  The memory defines the song, and visa versa.  This week’s entry is about a powerful moment/memory in my life and the Gem of a song that accompanies it. 

Twenty one years ago today, Cousin Rebecca and great friend, Dave were married (both are on the receiving end of these weekly postings). I was there when they met, and several years later, was honored when they asked me to be their best man.  It was a picture perfect wedding on a picture perfect day, and other than my own wedding, I’ve never before or since had more friends and family gathered together at one event. 

At the rehearsal dinner, Becca introduced me to her nephew, Danny, saying to him: “This is the best man”.  He was young and innocent enough to believe this was my real name.  When he started calling me ‘Best Man’, I neglected to correct him, despite the half a dozen or so opportunities I had when he posed a question my way.  How could you correct a name like that?  Besides, he had it right….at least for the weekend.

The best man speech for the reception was pretty easy to come up with:  When you are there to see the relationship of a cousin and close friend unfold, there is no shortage of material to compile a 2 hour toast, never mind 2 minutes.  I don’t actually have the speech memorized, but will do my best to resurrect/paraphrase/embellish/idealize it here for posterity’s sake (leaving out the murmurs, throat clearings, stutters, ahems, and grunts):

 ___________________________________________

“It’s remarkable to be here today to be a witness to the marriage between a great friend and an equally great cousin.  I figured the best way to toast them, would be to revisit how they met over three years ago. 

It started with an extended family gathering at my parents home, when Becca mentioned to my Mom that she was looking at options for Graduate School, including visiting universities in Canada.  Mom told Becca that I would soon be heading up to Ottawa to visit school friends, and that she should talk to me about coordinating our travel plans.  It was not long before Becca and I were ironing out the details.

Although excited about the prospect of having my cousin join me on a trek north of the border, I was a bit concerned:  This was another side of me, the bachelor side.  Not so much a problem on its own.  However, my bachelor side included many fellow bachelors, particularly two who would be joining us on the road trip: Dave and Mac.  I would be able to tone things down a bit on my end, but I had no control over these guys…. none whatsoever. 

As we began our trip, Becca and Dave in the back, Mac in the passenger seat, me driving, things got off on the wrong foot. Mac and Dave had spent a large chunk of the night before awake and partying.  The conversations were over-spiced with harsh adjectives and interjections.  And one word came to mind in regards to their appearance: Disheveled.  Normally I could care less (I can be as shabby as the best of them).  This time it was different.

But Becca seemed to be enjoying herself.  And when a misplaced donut was sat upon, there were no moments of tenseness to work through.  On the contrary, abuse was slung in several directions, with accompanying laughter, and no one was offended.  All seemed rather normal in terms of a road trip with Mac and Dave (of which I had much to compare to).  As the trip entered Vermont things got quiet in the back seat.  Crossword puzzles were being solved at record pace.  This was teamwork.  Something was up.

When we got to Ottawa, Becca and Dave were already very much enjoying each others company.  This was great, because I had a lot of catching up to do with my Canadian friends and, in all honesty, plum forgot about my cousin at times.  It did not matter.  Becca was in good hands. Everyone had a blast. The weekend went without a hitch.  It was a top-drawer road trip.  And most important, a romance began to take root.

Since then we four have been quite inseparable in regards to good times.  Over the last few years, I’ve looked at Becca more as a friend than a cousin.  And her relationship with Dave has become long-lasting. Now they are appropriately getting married.  I wish them the best of times in their future together.”

___________________________________________

These are the memories of a priceless day, but in terms of introducing this week’s Gem, Becca and Dave’s union is but half the story.  Unfortunately, the other half was tragic, because there was one person who did not make it to the wedding, Aunt Ginger, who died in a car crash the day before.  Ginger, a Dominican Nun and a beautiful person, was related to half the crowd in attendance, including the bride.  Many heavy hearts were valiantly put on the shelf that day, to celebrate a blessed event.  Looking back, it was quite amazing that the celebration truly overcame our common loss.

Last week I talked about appreciation, and among many other superlatives, appreciation is something Ginger had an abundance of.  Ginger appreciated everything, particularly people, and however much you appreciated her it was hard to top her appreciation for you.  This, I am sure, she garnered from her strong faith in God.  And when you have that much appreciation for those around you, you’re well loved and admired.  Her death was a very difficult blow because through her faith, she was a source of strength for everyone who knew her.

For me, I can never forget the moment of that sunny morning when I realized I could focus on the wedding while still keeping Ginger close to heart.  I had already headed back home that morning to visit with Mom, take a shower, and dress up in my tuxedo.  I then picked Dave up and we connected with the old gang for breakfast.  I recall Mac stepping to the plate and keeping the atmosphere upbeat, as the spirit of the moment was still escaping me.

Dave and I then took the drive up Rte 495 to the Martha Mary Chapel at the Wayside Inn.  We had the radio on, and as we drove along the rolling valley of that long stretch of highway just north of the Rte 9 exit, The Who’s ‘Love Reign O’er Me’ came on the radio:  Not an all that common song to hear on the radio compared to other Who songs. The song, sun, valley, and cruising that stretch of road dressed to the hilt in tuxedos as groom and best man was surreal.  We turned the dial way up.  I listened intently to the lyrics and music, and I was immediately locked in, suddenly ready and excited for the day ahead. 

Dad was locked in too, giving the blessing (which Ginger had written) at the reception, with Mom standing by his side.  It was an unforgettable moment as I recall reflecting on how close Dad was to Mom’s sister.  Ginger’s brothers and sisters were also locked in, as were Becca’s entire family, particularly the bride and groom.  With all that locking in, I have no doubt, Ginger was there with us.

The Who have performed ‘Love Reign O’er Me’ frequently in concert over the years.  I believe it to be one of Roger Daltrey’s favorites. The songs bridge, the weaving of the words reign vs rain, and the over-the-top vocals all contribute to the intensity of this song.  Last year, when the Who were recognized at the annual Kennedy Center Honors, Bettye LaVette covered ‘Love Reign O’er Me’ and did an exceptional job.  It’s her version that is captured for this week’s Gem.  Below it is a still shot video with the original studio recording that gave a well needed dose of healing all those years ago.  Below that is a live 1996 Who performance of the song (the first Quadrophenia show in Hyde Park, London).

Happy Anniversary, Becca and Dave!  Has it really been 21 years since I was thrown into a lake wearing a tuxedo?  21 years since watching a DJ get coerced into playing Little Feat songs and little else?  21 years since the first guy in the old gang made the Big Leap?  …..Yow!

-              Pete

Gem Music Video

Bettye LaVette performing Love Reign O’er Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJi6maTueSc

Love Reign O’er Me, The Who’s Studio Version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cA8rZEJqhE

Love Reign O’er Me, The Who Live, 1996

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeLEo318Yec

Love Reign O’er Me lyrics

Only love

Can make it rain

The way the beach is kissed by the sea

Only love

Can make it rain

Like the sweat of lovers

Laying in the fields.

Love, Reign o'er me

Love, Reign o'er me, rain on me

Only love

Can bring the rain

That makes you yearn to the sky

Only love

Can bring the rain

That falls like tears from on high

Love Reign O'er me

On the dry and dusty road

The nights we spend apart alone

I need to get back home to cool cool rain

I can't sleep and I lay and I think

The night is hot and black as ink

Oh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain

-------------------

About the Video: 2008 Kennedy Center Honors performance 

Video Rating: 1

____________________________________________

Best Feedback: Bec & Dave

Best Man, thanks for the never ending friendship and support you have offered all on this list. We were thinking that you may have included Lou Reed's "I Love You" here, but this is an excellent choice as well.

Seeing Jeff D this weekend has brought back great memories, our wedding one of the best.

Wow, 21 years and counting.

Thanks, Bec and Dave

And: Mom

You never cease to amaze me Pete...great gem as I sit here down the Cape on a beautiful morning you once again touched my heart...XO

And: Tina
hi pete,
reading your music gems are like reading a really good book. your love of family and friends, music and mayhem always leave me wanting more. after reading this one, i felt like i was at on that pre-wedding drive with you. what a lovely anniversary tribute to becca and dave.
 are you saving these? they would make a terrific book.
keep writing.
x0x0x
tina

Becca: Hi Tina....he really was an excellent best man! Becca

Dale: I second that!!!